Badness Levels
by Donna Rose
Summary: "Come on, Jane!" She runs over to her. "He just fell out of the sky and I didn't know what to do like, two gods in two months that's insane, but he didn't have anywhere to go and he swore he wouldn't hurt us can we keep him please can we keep him? I didn't even taze him yet!" Loki and Darcy discuss 'Badness Levels' in a Lilo and Stitch inspired fic. Darcy/Loki.
1. Chapter 1

_If I had an excuse, I'd tell you it, I promise._

* * *

Darcy holds out the notebook paper to the dark-haired scowling man in front of her. "This," she says, pointing to a flattering sketch of a woman, "Is me. The red? That's my badness level. I've got a little because -well- I tazed your brother. And hotwired a car, once. But that was awhile ago…anyways."

Loki just stares as she flips the notebook page to a man with..cow horns? It's a long moment and a scowl before he realizes that it's a crude drawing of himself.

"Now this," She says, adding a little more red to the figure for good measure, "Is you. Obviously. I mean..cow horns, dude."

Loki just scowls more intensely.

"And you've got wayyyy to much red. Like, unhealthy amount bad, there, Loki. Like, you've just tazed the entire earth and hotwired the president's personal jet. Twice. Ok?"

Now that's an amusing idea, thinks Loki, wondering if his magic could substitute 'Hot wiring'.

"What we -or I- need to do, is to get your 'badness' level to about here." She points to about the area of Loki's knees. Loki finally decides to speak, then.

"If you are so intent on changing me, Miss Lewis, why not go full circle?" He pauses a moment before clarifying. "Why still so much red?" He sighs.

"Oh. 'Cause a little bad is…bad ass. It's..cool. Like, tazing a god and hotwiring a car, cool. Not genocide. Which is not cool."

Darcy shrugs, shutting the notebook.

"So therapy is out of the question, so, I was thinking, you know how they train dogs? With the whole spray bottle an-" Darcy began, grinning and rising from her seat. Right before she stands, a hand closes around her arm. She whips around mid-sentence to reveal a fierce-looking-Loki. She'd be scared if she weren't Darcy Lewis.

"I. Am. Not. A. Dog." He spits. Darcy twists around to put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're cute when you're angry. Y'know that?" She smiles. She's not lying. Cute in a will-kill-you-with-his-scowl- kind of way.

She's not sure if it's a good way or a bad way.

Either way she's still got the tazer in her back pocket, so she assumes she's pretty safe.

"Cute? Midgardian, I am not..cute..I am evil I am a go- I am a frost giant. I. Am. Not. Cute." He says, crossing his arms. Darcy laughs.

"Frost Giant? Well. I can't really say I've ever dated a Frost Giant. Not, of course, that we're dating."

Yet.

"What? Why in all of Valhalla would I court you?" Loki asks, and he almost looks genuinely confused. Bless.

"Because I'm...well, I'm..Tell me, is there a word for genius prodigy that sounds modest and a_ tiny_ bit sexy?" She asks, and at Loki's strange face, adds, "Guess not. Well, good try, Darcy. Anyway. Well, training, then. How.." She trails off when she hears the door open, and she pales a little "Shit. Jane's home. Hide!" She says, shoving Loki under the table.

"Why are you-" Loki asks, before Darcy 'Shhhh's' him venomously, and that moment, Jane walks in, so she turns her frown in to a smile and twists to face her from in front of the table she's now leaning on.

"Hi!" She greets cheerily.

"Hi..." Jane greets, looking on oddly. "What's under the table?" Loki tries to escape, but Darcy pushes him back with her foot.

"Nothing." She says coolly. Jane raises an eyebrow.

"Oh my god..that's..no, Darcy, no." She lays a hand over her mouth and then groans. "_Tell me_ that's not Loki- insane, almost _killed_ Thor, Loki?"

"That's not Loki."

"It's Loki."

Darcy sighs. "Yeah..it's Loki." Jane looks scandalized, so Darcy quickly amends, folding her arms pleadingly. "Come on, Jane!" She runs over to her. "He just fell out of the sky and I didn't know what to do like, two gods in two months that's insane, but he didn't have anywhere to go and he swore he wouldn't hurt us can we keep him please can we keep him? I didn't even taze him yet!"

"_Keep_ him?" Jane asks. "Darcy, you've had some good ideas.." Darcy looks very, very, surprised. "But mostly bad ones. And this is one of your worst. He's murderer! We can't just keep him like a stray cat! What if Thor comes or-or-or, SHIELD, comes again?"

"Come on! I let you keep Thor!" Darcy points out, crossing her arms.

"I didn't _keep_ Thor!" Jane croaks.

"You did too." Darcy says, everything short of sticking her tongue out in a fit of childishness.

"Ugh. Fine. Just..he stays put. And no magic or anything or hurting people and if Thor comes he is going straight back home, get it?"

"Got it." Darcy grins.

This is going to be fun.


	2. Chapter 2

_My hand slipped and I wrote this. Whoops. _

* * *

Loki wakes the next morning to the most ungodly sound. Like rocks tumbling and people yelling and...it's Darcy's music. He recognizes it from the radio that usually played quietly (or not so quietly) in the house. He scowls. This is not a good way to wake up.

\He gets up from the couch that Foster had very generously lent him to sleep on, and folded the blanket neatly. Seeing that there was nothing else to do and feeling awkward, he wonders in to the kitchen, seeing Foster and Lewis sitting down to a cereal breakfast.

Darcy points to a setting on the table that has mismatched crockery and a chipped mug. Loki feels vaguely warm inside, realizing that it's a table setting for himself. He nods and sits down, noting Foster's frown as he does so. The setting, then, must have been Lewis' doing, if her reaction was any indication.

"Cereal. Do they have it up there?" Darcy asks, pointing to the colourful box.

"They do not. But I am eager to try it." He is lying, of course, but after falling from the void and ending up here, of all places, he has to admit he is fairly hungry. So he grabs the box and pours himself a bowl, somewhat annoyed to find that the cereal is over-sweetened and tastes nothing like the honey that's printed on the box. His displeasure shows, as Darcy says "We have Pop Tarts too, you know. Thor sure loved them." Loki did not take the Pop Tarts simply on the principle that if Thor liked them, then he would not.

At the end of breakfast, he takes his dishes to the sink and leaves them there. He assumes that Foster or Lewis usually does them after meals, so makes no effort to clean them. As he's walking away, he feels a spurt of freezing water on his neck.

"No! Bad Loki!" Darcy says from behind. "Do your own dishes." Loki does not turn around, only clenches his fists and reminds himself that if harms her, he'll have both Foster and Thor to answer too.

But he does walk back to the sink and clean his dishes, still clenching his teeth as he does so. He ignors Darcy's 'Good Loki!''s from the table where she's finishing her breakfast.

He wonders, as he finishes, what Foster thinks of the spray bottle, but as he turns, he finds her gone. He quarks an eyebrow at Darcy.  
"She left for work. I'm not going today because I've got to baby-sit you. She doesn't trust you at the lab yet." Darcy says matter of factly. The water bottle is sitting beside her bowl, Loki notices. He quickly grabs it.

"No! Loki! No! Bad bad Loki!" Darcy shouts, chasing Loki, who is running out of the trailer. She tackles him half way out, and they fall, tumbling out of the trailer in a lopsided heap. Darcy manages to wrestle the water bottle out of his hands, and starts spraying him mercilessly, still yelling 'Bad Loki!' the entire time.

Loki relents after a little while, his hair getting bogged down with all the water. He's about to go back in the trailer when he spots something green.

A hose.

"Oh, Miss Lewis, what have you gotten yourself in too?" He asks, mischievously grinning. Darcy is wiping of her glasses and inspecting them for breakage, and asks, absentminded, "What?"

She doesn't turn around in time to see Loki pointing the house at her, nor him turning the water on. But she does turn around when the blast of chilly water hits her back.

"Loki!" She screams, half-laughing. Loki pays her no mind, and moves closer, the spray hitting Darcy a little harder. "Stop!" She doges out of the way and again tackles Loki to the ground for control over the house."Bad! No, bad! You do not get control of the hose." A few moments of muddy wresting later, she has control of the hose and is spraying Loki harshly, laughing as he tries to move out of the way while covering his face.

Loki is half-scowling and half-smiling, an interesting facial expression, when he is finally so freezing and wet he can take no more.

"Alright! Stop! I am not a dog, Lewis!" He says, and Darcy points the spray down words for a moment.

"Only if you promise me...two things." She smirks. Loki scowls.

"Fine, whatever you wish for." He says, wrapping his arms around himself in a vain attempt for warmth. Strange how a Frost Giant can still be far to cold. "Just so long as there's no more water."

"Okay, one; you won't insult/hurt me or Jane, because, I can promise you that won't go over well. " Loki makes a less then fervent nod. "Good. Then two, you'll tell me why you fell from Ass-Gard or wherever you were from."

Loki doesn't really expect that. He expects her to ask him to become her personal servant, or to clean her dishes for the rest of infinity.

Not that.

"I..yes, fine, but later. And turn off the hose."

Darcy smiles and nods, wiping of her glasses again, and putting them on.

"Good."

At that very moment, when Darcy is holding the hose, soaking wet, and Loki is much worse off, Jane decides to make an appearance.  
"I just forgot-" She breaks away mid-sentence. "What are you two _doing_?"

Darcy just grins.

"That's it. Go change, we're going to the lab." Loki frowns.

"I thought I was not yet trusted to go?" He asks, and if it weren't for the look on his face, Darcy would have thought him perfectly innocent and confused.

"You're not. But Darcy is even _less_ trusted at the moment." Jane sighs, crossing her arms. "Go on. Loki, there should be the stuff that Thor wore while he was here, so get that." Loki makes a fake bow and goes to change.

It's going to be a long, long, long, week.


	3. Chapter 3

_a/n this is literally called 'what the hell am i doing' on my computer._

* * *

Since it had been decided that Darcy could not responsibly 'babysit' Loki, Loki and Darcy had went with Jane to 'work'. At first, Loki had been annoying as ever. He didn't actually do much, besides sitting, but Jane had almost begun to consider getting the water bottle again just to shut him up. But he might, she recognized be the only way to get back to Thor. Then she could send him back to Asgard, spend..time..with Thor, and complete her study on the Bifrost.

A while in, in one of Loki's rare moments of silence, Jane and Darcy where continuing their study of the Bifrost- now Jane's sole study and work had been devoted to finding out how to fix it.

"Argh! That's it. I don't understand, I'm done." Jane had said, collapsing back on to her chair.

"Neither do I. I thought they were like, doors or crazy wormholes or something, from what Thor said." Darcy sighed. Thor had explained them very minimally, just that it was connected to the different realms. But he hadn't said how.

Loki, his legs thrown (somehow elegantly, Darcy regretfully noticed) across the table, raised an eyebrow.

"_Thor_ explained it to you?" Loki asked, and Darcy swore she could feel the sarcasm and disbelief in the sentence. A breath, then;

"Sorta." Darcy shrugged. 'Explained' seemed a like far to much. 'Briefed' might have been better, or even 'mentioned'.

"You did not understand him, I'm assuming?"

Jane sighed miserably. "No."

Loki smirked, an unspoken 'I thought so' hanging in the air between them. Loki did mean it more towards, Thor, though. In truth, it did not surprise him at all that Thor didn't explain it well enough for Jane to understand. Thor always took it under assumption that everyone knew what he was talking about, and cared not to explain it to those who didn't. Not that anyone asked, though, because no one wanted to look stupid in front of the crown prince, no matter how stupid the crown prince was himself.

"I wouldn't think so. Thor understands it only very basically; he studied more combat, while I took study on the Bifrost when we were young."

Jane's eyes widened.

"You've studied the Bifrost?" She said slowly, like she couldn't quite believe him.

"Personally." Loki answered with a smile.

The rest of the day, Jane grew to tolerate Loki much more. They were arguing more then ever, but it was about science and magic, not anything else.

* * *

Even during dinner (Jane had actually set a place for Loki this time- perhaps because she was half-devoted to thinking about the Bifrost and the other half devoted to arguing with Loki) Even Darcy joined in when she understood something- usually taking Loki's side  
In the end, Jane had thrown her hands up, telling Darcy to do dishes, and that she was going to bed, and please don't destroy anything, Loki, and that included writing over her notes.

Loki didn't understand- he wasn't going to write over her notes- he was going to _burn_ them.

* * *

Loki and Darcy were now sitting at the table- Loki with tea, Darcy with hot chocolate. It was a comfortable tired silence, though, and one Darcy was hesitant to break.

"So," She said, with a long sip of hot chocolate.

"So." Loki replied, half-smiling.

"I'm just going to say this because I can't think of a good jump to it." Darcy sighed, smiling slightly shakily, holding the warm cup in her hands."I mean..how did you get here?"

Loki paused, his hands freezing a little, even if he didn't want them too.

"I..fell. That is all." Jumped.

"Nooo, 'cause you don't just fall from Ass-guard in to earth, or, at least, not the way you explained it." Darcy, at this point, wouldn't be surprised it he was banished, and just not willing to admit it.

"I fell from a broken Bifrost, Lewis, which you'll find is quite possible." He quipped, taking a sip of tea as to appear careless.

"You can call me Darcy, you know." Darcy said, frowning.

"I could, couldn't I?"

"If you want."

"I don't."

"Oh."

They washed their dishes in silence and went to bed.


End file.
